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"The court hereby finds the defendant guilty. He has been sentenced to become a tasty, yet healthy and all natural, meal."
―How most trials end.
Cannibal Court
Cannibalcourtharms
Political Information
Group type:Bonkers Cult
Leader Title:Judge
Leader:Coco Kallister
Motto:Does the jury find this bountiful?
Societal Information
Location(s):Corpse Coast
Historical Information
Policy Information
Goals:Restoration of law and premium BBQ in the wasteland
Allies:human fries
Enemies:the non-cannibal courts
The cults of the Corpse Coast are many, but none are so virtuous as the judicial system of the Cannibal Court, an off-kilter band of vigilante law bringers. Law, for the Cannibal Court, being subject to the most unorthodox of interpretations. These itinerant lawmen mingle taboo cuisine with fast and loose justice for what they call "guilt-tenderized flesh fusion."

History

The Corpse Coast has a tradition of both nouveau psychotique individuals and attracting the premiere crop from around the wastes. Martin Stahl, biographically nebulous, but infamously eminent, adopted the Coast as home. Stahl is a mercenary hailing from northern Texas; at various points of his life he claimed that he was a former Brahmin rustler, a slave and a preacher. Anecdotal accounts point to the more likely history as a go-go dancer for the traveling Wasteland rave circuit known as Greenlight. It is conjectured that at a notorious Greenlight rave, in a trance of drugs of questionable quality, that Stahl first developed his taste for flesh after reports of a self-described "party-rocking, floor-stomping grandma," who woke up post-rave with a chunk of her arm missing and an I.O.U signed "M. Stahl" in her fanny-pack.

The history of Corpse Coast according to Stahl would have you believe that he founded and built it up from the ground, but he wouldn't be the first to invent himself the founder of the Coast, whose foundations are oblivion. What Stahl can factually lay claim to was putting the Coast on the map, so to speak. An inspirational, and not to mention killer dancer, Stahl toured the Coast handing out his cheap drugs to the all-too-willing audiences of his speeches on the titillating ecstasy of flesh-eating. At first the speeches were so inspirational that some audience members would immediately start tearing into the unlucky fellow next to them; Stahl tweaked his speeches to a more visionary Cannibal Coast vs. Everyone policy of flesh acquisition. His audiences starting getting larger and larger until his brahmin cart full of drugs all but vanished after one hoorah in which 80 people died and hundreds more were injured. The depravity was talked about for months in the neighboring settlements.

The first contact the outside had with the Coast was an envoy sent to see what all the fuss was about; the envoy arrived to a scene of thousands, drenched in sweat and tweaking like nobody has ever tweaked. The envoy never made it back.

Eventually, as the crowds got bigger and the brahmin cart of chems smaller, Stahl began to lose control of his audience. Even as they tweaked the nights away, the crowds hungered for the uneatable: Stahl. Finally, in the famous case of Stahl vs. the Cannibal Court, Stahl was found guilty (and delicious) by the court and was executed by turkey baster. Like Caesar in Rome and Robespierre during the French Revolution, Stahl was (literally) consumed by his creation, as are the ends of most Judges of the Cannibal Court.

But even Stahl's death could not stop the Cannibal Court, oh no. Others set up Courts across the Coast, some that even rivaled Stahl's. But none exceeded him until Coco Kallister came along.

Born from the unholy union of a swamper and a badlander, Coco Kallister came from the bayou to the Corpse Coast as a cook for a slaver's raft. He was thrown off after it was found that he had eaten one of the dead slaves.

Onshore, Coco encountered one of the local courts, who were about to overthrow their Judge and eat him, as was tradition. Coco offered to cook the man and used his traditional Louisiana BBQ recipe to cook that Judge better than any judge before. After the meal was through, the members of the Cannibal Court decided to made Coco their new judge, on account of his magnificent cooking.

Coco's style of quick justice and BBQ cooking began to draw in more and more crowds. Soon, he attracted thousands with the tantalizing waft of his unique BBQ sauce.

In the modern day (2287), the Cannibal Court has lost some of its early quirks (tweaking and raves) and has gained a few more (fine BBQ meals). Currently, Coco Kallister reigns as Judge of the Cannibal Court and is still regarded as a potent force in the wasteland. However, there is talk of a new challenger, rising through the ranks, with new talents and cooking skills. Only time will tell if Coco is challenged as leader of the Cannibal Court or if his fat, thoroughly marinated form will consumed like all judges eventually are.

Activities & Interests

Capturing unlucky inhabitants of the Corpse Coast, putting them on a faux trial for entertainment that the prisoners have no hope of actually winning and then proceeding to cannibalize them.

Quotes

"That was a real coalition of the filling."
―The Honorable Gorge Shrub
"Gringos Cojida utilizan demasiado ajo"
Comer Caballos, a rare guest to the trials
Corpse Coast

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