"If I cant fuck it I'll fight it"
Putney Swope
Putney "Hammer" Swope
Michael Clarke Duncan Armageddon a l
Date of birth:2217
Date of death:2273

Putney "Hammer" Swope was a hard-living motorcycle madman and a member of the infamous Wily Bastards, back in the day. Putney was not a brilliant man but he knew right from wrong and he always went with his gut. On his motorcycle of justice, he was judge jury and executioner with his trademark sawed-off shotgun. Despite Putney's generally caring attitude he often found himself on the wrong side of the law as he cared little for formal institutions and advocated care for the people on the streets. He's a mad black private dick, that's a sex machine to all the chicks, and sometimes the Man can't handle it. The Hammer had his demons both literal and metaphorically, he never said what it was that he was running from on his motorcycle. What many who knew him do remember is that he had an especially large amount of hatred for Blaculas and their Black Dracula cousins. For awhile the Hammer had become lost and in his journey to find meaning in his life he joined the Wily Bastards. Among this motley crew of equally lost souls, Putney found the missing element of his being and continued on as an enemy of all afro undead, once the group disbanded. It was somewhat tragic that Putney's time as a motorcycle vigilante/mercenary/asskicker/monster hunter came to an end after a fatal encounter with his best friend Jesse Twilight.


Early Life

Putney was born in a very small town on the Corpse Coast, even he can't remember the name. Lil Swope pooped his pants and threw up a lot early on. Then he learned to walk and everything started looking up. By the age of 8 pants pooping was a thing of the past and Putney was spending his time playing forward for the local basketball league. It was there that he earned the nickname the "Hammer" after a particularly creative foul that remains unspoken to this day.

Putney's time in the BBall court would not last long though. One day a couple of Blaculas were up to no good and started making trouble in Putney's neighborhood. The Hammer got in one little fight and his mom got scared, but before she could move Putney to a relative on the west coast tragedy struck. The Blaculas tracked down Putney and stormed his house in the dead of night. His mom was ripped to shreds and the Hammer was no match for this villains. He ran out of the house as fast as he could and stole one of the Blacula's motorcycles. Putney cranked the throttle and didn't stop going top speed until he ran out of gas.

Running on fumes and desperation Putney brought his bike to a stop at a brothel. The matronly woman that ran the place took Putney in and raised him as her own. There he learned to be a man many, many, many, many times. The women there taught him much about the world and they are responsible for the legion of women he would come to know intimately.

Training, and the gift of education from a living demi-god of a man.

When spending all day banging prostitutes got old Putney left the brothel and adventured out on his own. He was an older man now and ready for the hardships of the wasteland. He went from town to town scavenging what he could and helping those in need. His efforts were inadequate though, he lacked any formal training, he was simply a man with a motorcycle. To transcend life as a nomadic thug he needed direction, training, and most importantly enlightenment. The only way Putney could ever defeat the Blaculas is if he rose to a high plan of existence. This meant seeking out a figure of myth and legend, one only talked about in hushed whispers for fear he could read their very thoughts. Putney needed Rolento Hawke, but finding him would not be easy. Getting to him was the first test in a series of exams that separated those that loved Rolento from those that also loved Rolento but wouldn't be trained (not loving Rolento is obviously never an applicable option, duh).

Putney found Rolento after many years of searching. It seemed like he was a being that existed in a consciousness of his own creation, a world brought forth through sheer force of will, but it did not matter. Putney was in need of instruction and Rolento was the best man to provide it. Rolento, being wise and saged was not the least bit surprised when Putney Swope and later Jesse Twilight saught him out. Together the two of them trained and became fast friends under the careful watch of their instructor Rolento. Putney and Jesse were two brothers joined not by blood, but by tragedy and the need to bring justice to the Blacula menace. Rolento understood the danger Blaculas posed better than any living creature and he gave each of his students special gifts to take with them. Putney learned the secrets of Rolento's tantric aura-coloring and spirit roaring. He frequently tried to use them on the bevy of Rolento's groupies, but he never able to copulate with them. Unfortunately, every one of Rolento Hawke's former lovers died of a horrible accident before Putney could bed her. Nevertheless, Putney saved these skills for later use in the wasteland. Rolento was a wise and fair teacher and Putney parted ways with Rolento and Jesse on great terms. He knew that he had two friends for life in Rolento and Jesse.

The Wily Bastards







"Stop saying you fucked my wife. She's my aunt. People are thinking I'm some incesteous freak, cause of you. Damn it. Wait what's- AGGGH"
Rufus Fengdu before freak Blacula attack
"There is a proverb: There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."
Rolento Hawke
"He can't get it up. Trust me, I've got an eye for those things."
Brown-Eye talking behind Putney's back.