- "Born in Rivet city in 2240, Alexis loved to look at the information on display in the Capital Preservation Society, and to listen to the Elders of Rivet City, about their history, and what they knew about their family. At the age of 15, he went to the Mall to recover the Civil War Peace Treaty. He was trapped in a room full of ghouls, and he grabbed a hunting rifle and started to fight his way out. Alexis was most interested in German history as his own family were German."
- ―Excerpt from Alexis Ashton Article
Alright, the beginning paragraph of any article should entice the reader not bore him, this paragraph achieves the latter. I honestly don't care what the character likes yet because I don't care about the character. The paragraph would have benefited if I was told something interesting about the character, such as a unique experience he had. The bit about him fighting the ghouls could have been that if it was explained in an entertaining matter. The paragraph jumps from what he likes to some adventure and doesn't make for a good read, we're not off to a good start.
Directly after the first paragraph he goes on to tell me about his father and mother, which is the basic and all too common attempt to tell me how the character got his skills. Well, it's a tired way of story-telling. Then the second cliche sets in "his father died", oh well shit, his father died, didn't see that coming. It seems the great majority of fanon character have their parents dying because it's tragic and gives the character a reason to be a hardass seeking to do good in the world, how original.
I'll skip to cliche event number two: the example of bad-assery. It turns out Alexis gets kidnapped by the Enclave, I'm not sure why exactly. I mean this is the Enclave after-all, why not just kill this guy right off the bat? He had nothing of value, but ok, whatever. He escapes, joins up with Conor Strauss and go off adventuring, being a medic or something. I read the rest of the article, although I had no real incentive of doing it, the article explains itself very blandly, basically just telling me what happened for the sake of telling me. If you're going to tell me something make sure it to explain it in an entertaining manner, because, you're not just writing this for yourself, you're writing it under the scrutiny of an entire community.
Basically, I think the problem with this article is that it was more-so meant to be an RP character then a character that would have been actually developed, and involving your character in an RP is no way to develop him/her.
This article gets a 4/10. It gets the 4 instead of a 3 because it surprisingly doesn't portray him as a super bad-ass like I had thought it would.
The article can be found Alexis Ashton|here.