Weapons of Mass Retardation I

Actual Mongoose Pirate

The only image I could find of a mongoose pirate

In this blog, MongoosePirate, a history buff with way too much time on his hands, will look over some of the more colorful content that has graced this wiki in the past ranging from impractical weapons to impractical spin-offs of canon groups. Not all of these pages were bad, but all of them were deleted for one reason or another. Let's dive in...

Today, we look at the alien rifle, a short article that nonetheless caused quite a lot of conflict, most likely due to the unlikeability of its creator, Teh Krush.

Created on May 14, 2009 by Teh Krush, the alien rifle began as a kind of prize for roleplayers, not an uncommon occurrence before the Great Wipe. The article itself was not all that assuming. The uninspiring name, alien rifle, was simply a placeholder name that never got changed. However, what really set the alien rifle apart were the different variants of the rifle and the fate of its creator, Teh Krush.

First in the obtuse variants of the alien rifles was "found far south of the Capital Wasteland in an abandoned bunker. It could not be obtained however due to repulsion fields surrounding it. A terminal in the room described the weapon as firing red plasma that ignites anything it hits with fire." A fire-themed red plasma rifle, surprise surprise.

Alien Rifle

The only image I could find of relating to the Alien Rifle

The second rifle was "located in a highly radioactive area within the city of Baltimore. Testing has indicated that it shoots regular plasma but does higher damage, and goes longer range, and as such the user equipped a scope on it. The user later died due to the radiation and not being able to escape in time, so it is still located in that same area." Seems relatively inoffensive.

The third rifle's description says it "shoots supercharged heat rays. The gun itself is Solar Powered, so it does not require any ammo. The heat rays are continuous and have the potential of burning a hole straight through somebody after prolonged exposure, but the person would most likely have died from this. This weapon was obtained by Riley Alan, in a crashed U.S. Army truck, shortly before the events at Jerusalem, but it was in pieces and until he was able to inspect Dutch Holmes' rifle, he could not put it back together. It is now in working condition." Sounds like a Legendary weapon from Fallout 4. Can't say I'm surprised.

The fourth one "shoots "laser blades". What this does basically is cut up your opponent on impact, and the weapon shoots about 10 of these every power cell it uses. The weapon requires about an hour and a half of cool-down time due to the nature of its projectiles, although it still can shoot 4 times before needing to reload, meaning it can get 40 lasers in a few hours with 4 reloads. It was found by Dutch Holmes deep in a General Atomics International building. When Dutch died, his son, Dave Holmes, took it." Feel no need to add on to that.

The last of the alien rifles "shoots Irradiated Plasma pellets, which is a goo like substance that when it hits an enemy will explode into radioactive plasma. It has a higher rate of fire then any of the other weapons, and has a faster reload. It also is the only Alien Rifle that can hold more then 4 rounds. This was found by Praetor Wesley within the underwater Vault 64." So an alien rifle hidden in an underwater vault. Sounds about right.

Here are the the stats for those weapons:

Variant DAM DAM/shot DPS aoe radius spread crit % mult ammo type ammo capacity item HP damage type weight location known? holder
First 102 102 172 (10/s for 20 seconds /fire) 200 0.8 x3 Alien Power Cell 4 1500 Plasma / Fire 8 Y None
Second 194 194 252 N/A 0 x1.2 Alien Power Cell 4 1150 Plasma 8 Y None
Third 200 N/A 200 N/A 0 N/A Solar Powered N/A 500 Heat / Fire 6 Held Riley Alan
Fourth 300 300 120 N/A 8 x2 Alien Power Cell 4 600 Laser 10 Held Dave Holmes
Fifth 87 87 270 (70 rads/s for 4 seconds) 120 0.5 x4 Alien Power Cell 8 1200 Radiation / Plasma 8 Held Praetor Wesley

Also, the page's creator, Teh Krush, was very active around the wiki both making templates and pages. However, he proved to be very contentious among the TL fanbase, and he was constantly put down for it by other users. Eventually, it got to him and Teh Krush doxxed himself, effectively banning himself from Wikia.

After his leaving, everybody seemed to have gotten so fed up with Teh Krush that it came to a majority vote on whether or not all of his remaining articles would be deleted. The vote was in favor of deletion. The alien rifle article was therefore deleted.

Next time, we will do a character study on a writer and his self-insert...