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The Life and Legend of Bren Tenkage

Actual Mongoose Pirate

The only image I could find of a mongoose pirate

In this blog, MongoosePirate, a history buff with way too much time on his hands, will look over some of the more colorful content that has graced this wiki in the past ranging from impractical weapons to impractical spin-offs of canon groups. Not all of these pages were bad, but all of them were deleted for one reason or another. Let's dive in...

Today, we look at a character whose time on this site was short but his shadow long. I am, of course, speaking of Bren Tenkage. The half-Asian, half-ghoul, very smart, very fit merc with a heart of gold. For about a year, Bren and his posse of companions plagued the wiki with their various weird and unexplained actions until they met a "grisly" end. But we'll get to that later.

Bren Tenkage was "joined the action" on February 22, 2009, created by User:Brengarrett. Bren Tenkage was not just a Fallout Mary Sue, he was THE Fallout Mary Sue. Let's get the list:

  • Born in the Enclave but not part of the Enclave (Born to an white father and a Japanese mother in the Enclave, Supreme Gentleman material)
  • Orphaned at a young age (Parents died and was sent to Little Lamplight)
  • Killed a dangerous enemy as a child (Shot a deathclaw)
  • "Learned the Blade" (Fights with a katana against lasers and guns)
  • Unique hybrid/mutant (Weird "half-ghoul" variant with "ghoulish blood", initially only given immortality without drawbacks)
  • Weird Pet/Sidekick (Raised and tamed a Yao Guai cub named Ryo)
  • Posse of followers devoted to him (The Claws, their story is a whole other page in the making)
  • Being an Anime character in a non-Anime setting (Half Japanese mutant wielding a Katana? Need I go on?)

Here's a note on Bren's character creation:

"Bren, well is modeled after what I would look like in an anime or Fallout 3. the way I made his personallit was inspired by Yoh Asakura from the Anime Shaman King, he was calm and had odd quirks. but when he got mad and serious he was tough. As for the Nuka Colas Habit, I found it to be needed for his character and the insects, we needed a fear and it was either Insects or the Pint Sized slasher, so I went with Insects. Now his rifle, in Real Life, I prefered to use the Hunting rifle in FO3, because it had good range and power and ammo was easy to find. His story, I based off romeo and Juliet, you know 2 houses, both hate each other and lovers having a forbidion romance. I wanted a ful Asian but then I thought, not many people would trust him due to the enlcave, so I went with Half asian and the story of his parents. Now the ghoul thing, in the game, I hated the fact that Ghouls were treated like crap, and I wished there were more missions to help them. The ghoul blood for Bren, I wanted either A, he becomes a ghoul ,or B half a ghoul to show that he looks out for Ghouls. As you can see I picked the Latter, and the leg being cut off, well that was just to be the reason for the Ghoul blood, I mean if the radtion normally would turn my blood to a ghoul's then so would my skin. So it the blood is directly radated, it becomes ghoul like faster then gives me the rad restiatens that prevents the skin from falling off."
―On Bren Tenkage

Some of Bren's equipment was rather odd as well. This equipment consisted of a scapel in case of being tied up (be prepared), Death Claw Bane (will get an entry of its own someday, a bizarre combination of the deathclaw gauntlet and a Hunting Rifle), the old Art of War book (should I tell him that's Chinese?), the Dog Tags from his father, frag grenades, his PipBoy 2000 (retro), some food, ammo, smoke grenades, Flash Mines, and Knives.

Bren seemed to have everything going for him at first, a steady raider girlfriend, a reliable job as a merc, sympathy for mutants, and half the wiki hating him. Well, that last part wasn't going for him, half the wiki already hated Bren when he was created for being a Mary Sue, butting into RPs, and constantly trying to bring fame to himself and the Claws. He also tended to be quite naïve and unable to understand that his "heroic" actions in RPs could have bad consequences, from randomly attacking allies in anger to working with raiders "because he needed the caps". One notable case of this was in RP:The Pitt, when Bren sympathized with a captured Super Mutant Behemoth and considering letting it "roam free". Another character in the RP was quick to tell Bren how letting a feral flesh-eating green giant out of its cage for no reason might just the worst idea ever. This brings into play another of Bren's important personality traits, his undying sympathy for the freakish, dangerous, and insane.

The Lost World

Releasing dangerous animals ftw

Bren's creator, also called Bren Tenkage, contributed to his character's unpopularity. A active page author and roleplayer, Bren wanted to participate in pretty much everything on Tranquility Lane. His enthusiasm is even a little admirable at times. However, the unfortunate side-effect of Bren's eagerness was that his small posse of characters, Bren Tenkage included (not to be confused with the user Bren Tenkage), were constantly being shoehorned into other people's RPs. The most egregious example of this was when Bren and company went west to participate in a roleplay near Arroyo in "a train powered by a shaking object". Whatever that means. The character of Bren also got hopelessly mixed up with the major factions of TL at the time, the Enclave and the Crusade, and got a large bounty on his head. Bren was also rather averse to criticism, often falling back on blaming his autism for bad writing or odd behavior.

A couple of months after joining the wiki, Bren had royally pissed off about everyone in the wiki, and he knew that. So he tried to make up for it by adding edge to Bren and adding more handicaps. Bren lost his leg and had to have it be replaced with a prosthetic. His ghoulification accelerated and soon, he was a full ghoul, which alienated his raider girlfriend Maria, leading to Bren basically getting cucked. By that time, Bren considered his character to have become a "fallen hero" and decided it was finally time for Bren to bite the big one. He did so at the hands of the most overpowered character on TL, Jacob Vaughton. Vaughton, angry at Bren for being a oblivious idiot and causing wanton destruction, decapitated the hapless weeaboo ghoul and took his leg as a trophy. That is where the story of Bren the character ends, in a sense.

However, the story of Bren the user was not over quite yet, even though he left the wiki after his character's death. The other users on TL were not satisfied with the fallen hero Bren, still regarding it as subpar garbage. So, after Bren the user left, the userbase of TL seized Bren the page and began to change, to improve it. The page's name was first changed to Brendan Hopkins, then to Brian Harmon. A lot of characterization was added, much of it mocking the original author.

Soon enough, Bren the user returned to see what had happened to his page and was promptly filled with righteous autistic rage. He went off of everyone in TL, calling them bastards, motherfuckers, and thieves.

This final fuck you from Bren was met with largest rebuttal I think ever seen on a wiki. Virtually every active user on the site turned on Bren and roasted, letting out feelings that had been previously suppressed. Here are some choice quotes from Bren's talk page:

"I knew you couldn't fucking stay away, you pansy Japanophile twat, I just knew it was too good to be true for you to be gone for good. I'll be back in six months. Signing off."
User:Radiation King
"I feel like writing a short rant.. Bren, don't come back again. Please. Your writing makes my head bleed. In all seriousness, after you left the first time and reviewed/rewrote this page, I facepalmed at the writing so hard that it imploded on itself and dislocated my fucking arm. You may think that "Oh that's impossible it doesn't happen in anime!" or (if you had common sense) "Oh that's not possible", but you're just that much of a fucking idiot that it is now possible. I will call it the Brenpalm. Also, the format that you write with makes me want to cry (it kind of does!) and it looks like you banged your head against the keyboard until something came out. Also, I find it funny that after insulting you on this site, in an xbox live party (twice in a row!), that you rejoined the party AGAIN (he did today with me and fireman)! While reading this, you may notice (although I doubt it, as your brain is composed of a thin pink liquid that tastes of period blood) that I removed your idiotic religion. How the fuck do you combine Buddhism and Christianity into a murderous rampage religion? Also, did you think putting the kenji for weakness on your character makes him tough? Or because you thought it looked cool and japanese-esque. I will no longer be capitalizing the word "japan" when referring to you. Oh and I hope you love the new name, C4 thought of it! What kind of name is Bren anyway, are your parents that fucking thickheaded? "Oh, I am going to name my son Bren cause it's UNIQUE!" Well it turns out you are unique you autistic fuckface. Never hide behind a fucking condition on this wiki, it makes you look like an idiot (you've well confirmed that). Don't come back, and just plain fucking stop signing on to this wiki. Yes, we know that you sign on like, three times a day, watching over us for all eternity. Just take some weight off our shoulders and go to the cemetery and dig your own grave. Nobody will visit it. Nobody will remember you. And nobody will fucking "honor your strength". Be gone."
User:Teh_Krush

Many more examples of people going off on Bren can be found around the wiki, unsurprisingly. The best ones by far are here. My favorite is this one:

"My turn! *ahem*. Bren, i know your probably reading this page and crying. Or what ever anime characters do when there sad. But, anyway. I'm not going to make this a personal attack on Bren, (Fuck, who am i kidding?), but, more on all of his characters. Well, lets begin. The first real time i went "WTF?!?!1" at Bren was when i made everybody's favorite Arms Dealer, Marshal Rascon. He came up to me on his talk page and went on this really long talk on how he should be allied with the claws. Well, i didn't respond because i'm not into the business of making autistic kids cry. But, anyway, you did go "WTF?! The Dudes a Arms Dealer! I thought the Claws were supposed to kneecap him or something!". The second part is, well, The Claws. Yes, everybody wants wto have something really cool as there group. Kub had the Crusade, I have the Survivors, Celebral has Rapture Company and a bunch of others. But, really Bren? A band of good mercenaries?!?! WTF?! Fallout is a place where nothing is black or white, just varying shades of gray. And Bren, i hope you know what a mercenary is. They are paid by a group, or a government to perform offensive tasks. You want to overthrow a dictator in some African country? You hire them out. And even then, people in the security community hate the name mercenaries. Why? It has a negative connotation to it. Ok, i know this has been raised several times before, but, REALLY?!?! Honda? He doesn't even have a fucking last name! Another thing, this ninja shit, Sauskae. For first, it was a dumb idea. I mean, really. Dumb. You apprenticed this guy to a freaking shoalin monk. Not a ninja guy. No sense. Then, i went "WTF?!?! One" again when you were thinking of character images. Here was 3 or 4 links of anime shit. I was thinking to myself "If he uses the dumb picutre of a guy dressed in freaking bandages, so help me god. Another thing. Bren has so many RP's that take place all over the county. I mean, really! He took a fucking train ride to the west coast!!!! Then, just out of the blue, the Enclave attacked little Arryo and the NCR group there! Then, boom! He went to the Pitt. Then, back to DC where he died. Now, that also leads me to another thing. A lot of the two or one page RP's that Bren had are, well, dumb. They have no-point in them, save for something to do. Ok, my last thing in my rant. Bren. The reason i went and joined this wiki was because i enjoy post-apoc fiction. Mad Max, Waterworld, S.T.A.L.K.E.R, Childern of Men. I also enjoy other things, such as Airsoft, Rock, Video Games, and porn. But, you try and bring in fucking 'anime to here. Now, i think of myself as a rather kind person. I don't punch women, i hold the door open for people, i talk to people, that sort of thing. Now, i really don't like wapennse. Why? Well, they just piss me off. Walking around, thinking that there something special because they think them can talk Wolf or Japanese or whatever it is. My final comments to Bren? STFU, STOP SUCKING YOUR OWN DICK, AND GROW UP! THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND ANIME!. And Bren, before you say "Wow, that was haerrsh (naruto), i didn't do anything to you!", i'm going to say this: You said fuck everything expect Run and a couple of other people. Me included. I tried to stay out of the drama and poltic here. But, hell, you said it to me. A redneck shitbag never forgets."
User:Weston "Henchmen" Foster

Soon after his last fuck you, Bren the user faded back into the annals of history, never to return. Bren the page, now called Brian Harmon (also the name of a hairy legged guy with a sock fetish apparently), did not last long after its creators absence and the TL userbase decided that it was time to eliminate all reference of Bren for the wiki once and for all. And that is what happened, Bren's page was wiped along with others and references to him and related pages were scrubbed from the wiki. And so the page was deleted.

Bren Tenkage still has quite a visible online presence, with a Youtube channel, a Fanfiction.net account, and a Deviantart account to name a few, using his real name for all of them. He has moved on from Fallout and seems better for it.

Next time, we ask the question, do androids dream of synth gorillas...

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